Each day, I carry on conversations in my head with myself. Sometimes I am really nice to myself and sometimes I am not. I pump myself up before I meet with a client… reminding me that I am awesome. But sometimes, when things do not go right, I give myself a hard time. I know when I am not nice to myself, my day doesn’t go well.
The experts call this self-talk.
It can be verbal – out loud, or mental – inside our head. Sadly, so many of us are not very nice to ourselves. We can be judgmental, critical, and mean; more than we would to another person. How we talk to ourselves impacts how we see ourselves, which affects our self-worth, confidence and competence.
How often have you called yourself ‘a stupid idiot’ or commented to the mirror how ugly you are?
Would you say that to another person?
You may not even realise you are being so horrible to yourself.
There’s nothing more powerful than the way we talk to ourselves about ourselves.
I love this quote by Frank Outlaw.
Watch your thoughts, for they become words,
Watch your words, for they become actions,
Watch your actions, for they become habits,
Watch your habits, for they become your character,
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
It says so much about how something that starts in our head can impact our whole life journey.
Be nice to yourself
If you pay attention, you can ‘hear’ your thoughts or self-talk. Notice the next time you say something nice to yourself – like when you close a big contract, or achieve a goal. When you are nice to yourself, your whole outlook changes. You get a lift and the day seems brighter.
I’d like you to stop for a second and think about how you have spoken to yourself today. Was it critical? Was it kind and helpful? How did you feel after?
You are probably wondering what this has to do with creating a wealthy life? EVERYTHING. When I am on fire, positive and focused on the good, I can do anything. As soon as I start being hard on myself, everything seems so much more difficult to achieve.
Here are five ways I use to get my thoughts back on track:
Give your negative thoughts a name
Brené Brown calls the negative voices in her head her gremlins. Making fun of the voices in your head can help you step away from them and not seem so real.
Use third person
A study out of the University of Michigan found that if you don’t refer to yourself in the first person, such as “I” or “me” but in the third person, using “he” or “she,” or refer to yourself by name, you can distance yourself from the comments.
Take notice of how you talk to yourself. Catch yourself when you are being mean to you and stop it.
Put a better spin on the language you are using. Instead of saying “I’m so stupid for doing that,” say “I feel silly for doing that.” One says who you are, the other describes how you are feeling.
Would my best friend say that?
Probably not. Or remind yourself – if you wouldn’t say it to your friend, don’t say it to yourself.
Latest posts by Deb Smith (see all)
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