There was a time when I was in so much pain, I believed taking my own life would ease the burden on my husband and 18-month-old son. I’m so grateful I made the right choice, and can now see the gift in that dark time: the ability to authentically help heal others battling chronic pain
So how did I get to the point where I contemplated suicide?
Throughout most of my childhood, I had stomach pain that was so severe I crawled along the floor sometimes. I kept it quiet because no-one believed me and it made mum angry. Mum had mental health issues and was emotionally and physically abusive and my father was emotionally distant.
At one point, my parents took me to a specialist who found nothing wrong with me. I remember feeling intensely sad, alone and told again that I was a liar. So I learned to live with the pain, finished school and got a job.
Then one day, I woke up to go to work and finished the day in hospital. I was very unwell after weeks of eating very little, having severe stomach cramps and going to the bathroom so many times each day I lost count.
Finally I had a diagnosis…
Ulcerative colitis (an inflammatory bowel disease that causes stomach pain, diarrhoea and bleeding). By that stage, I was so weak I spent three months in a wheelchair. It took three years, but I healed myself by changing my diet, taking the right supplements and focusing on my mindset. Ten years on, I was pregnant with my first child. To stop myself from falling after a slip, I twisted to grab a bench.
My baby was safe, but I had split my pubic bone…
Torn a ligament and tendon in my leg, and dislocated my hips. The rest of my pregnancy was spent on walking sticks, house bound and taking painkillers to ease the pain. Doctors had predicted that after my son was born the pain would abate, but it didn’t. I had my new baby at home, was in pain, miserable, and kept increasing the amount of painkillers I was taking to cope.
One day, when my son was 18-months-old I was home with him, lying on the couch when he jumped on me. I was in so much agony that I yelled at him. I felt useless and like an awful burden on my family… like they would be better off without me. So that’s when I considered taking my own life, because I felt it was the most unselfish thing I could do.
Thankfully I listened to my inner voice that day
It’s not true.
I had healed myself from ulcerative colitis, learned to walk again three times, and knew that I could do it again.
I started by trialling Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). EFT uses a sequence of tapping on the body’s energy meridians to remove disruptions in the body’s energy systems. At first I was sceptical, but with time and dedication, I decreased the amount of painkillers I was taking until I stopped taking them altogether.
Using EFT, I realised that I felt better each time I released an old trauma. Without knowing it my body was holding onto a lot of old “gunk”, and each time I worked on releasing it, I felt better. I was so excited about the improvements in me that I dedicated my time to learning about EFT, whilst using myself as a guinea pig to find other modalities that work.
Now, two years on, as a Pain Coach, I love seeing the positive changes in my clients. It’s what lights me up.
I feel so blessed. Because despite everything I went through, I found my gift and my purpose.
Top 5 tips for relieving chronic pain
1. Be kind to yourself
Berating ourselves puts huge amounts of stress onto our bodies, as well as impacting our mental health; if the inner critic is taking over say “what’s my next thought” this engages the brain into a task, stopping those terrible thoughts in their tracks.
2. Get it out
Find a way to get everything out, be it a mind dump writing all the thoughts that keep spinning, journalling, punching the bejeezus out of something, Emotional Freedom Technique AKA Tapping. Look for a way that works and feels good to you.
If we don’t move we start to create havoc within the body, the part of our bodies that rids toxins is stimulated by movement. The more you move the more of those nasties you dispel.
Magnesium Chloride is the bomb, soak them tootsies and get a great top-up of magnesium to help keep anxiety and nerve issues at bay.
5. Tech free bedroom
If you have your mobile phone, tablet, laptop in your bedroom get it out! These amazing extensions of ourselves could be causing damage and we all need a break from them. When you run your tech off of wi-fi it omits RF EME (Radio Frequencies Electromagnetic Energy) possibly leading to radiation. The jury is still out, but I tend to listen to the French when it comes to banning guidelines, they have banned wi-fi in all schools. It’s better to be safe then sorry – if you must keep your phone at your bedside, have it on airplane mode.
If you or someone you know may be at risk of suicide, seek help immediately. Call Lifeline (13 11 14), the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or see your family doctor.